Category Archives: Health and Stress

Evaluate and Re-choose

In our daily lives, we have countless opportunities to get feedback about our thoughts, feelings and actions, and to change them if the feedback so warrants. Unfortunately, we also have a great capacity to ignore this feedback and continue with a scarcity of useful information. In this unconscious state it is easy to become selfish, to sever connections with our humanity and to subjugate ourselves to addictions or other compensations.

The alternative is to listen — listen to ourselves and listen to others. When we become skilled at sensing our own emotions, we are able to tap into the energy that they provide and take action. Emotions are energy and one place where that energy most frequently erupts is in conflict.

To socialize effectively you must recognize and gauge other peoples’ thoughts, feelings and actions just as you monitor your own. These skills are heavily dependent on interpreting paralanguage (body-language, tone, utterances, facial expression, and other forms of nonverbal communication). An effective socializer is able to turn conflict into a positive force. She/he creates compromise and makes sure needs are met. She/he can mobilize people, persuade and inspire others.

The most critical step to teaching effective socialization is to provide positive role models and opportunities for people to practice what they have observed. In today’s demanding corporate culture, employees often do not find time to interact much socially. Thus, it is even more important that they are provided these mechanisms and opportunities.


Apply Consequential Thinking

People are often told to control their emotions to suppress feelings like anger, joy or fear and cut them off from the decision-making process. This old paradigm suggests that emotions make us less effective; nothing could be farther from reality. Feelings provide insight, energy, and are the real basis for almost every decision. Instead of disconnecting our emotions, we need to control our actions so that we have time to make the most creative, insightful, and powerful decisions. Particularly when dealing with conflict or crisis, we need to slow down the process and apply carefully practiced strategies that lead to decisions informed by the fused powers of heart and mind. This “habit of mind” stems from a clear understanding of the consequences of our choices and the ability to imagine the cause and effect relationships. This process allows us to be as impulsive as we truly want to be, but also forces us to limit impulsivity when consequences are undesirable. One key mechanism to develop and monitor consequential thinking is “self-talk.” Self-talk is a mechanism to mentally explore multiple options and viewpoints; it provides a system to balance the various aspects of ourself. Just as in conversations outside ourselves, sometimes the louder voice gets more attention; the issue in both cases is to develop a process where listening is valued and all the voices — loud or soft — are heard.

Build Emotional Literacy

Now I will start discussing each fundamental one by one. The first is “Build Emotional Literacy”:

Feelings are a complex aspect of every person. While research has identified eight “core” feelings (fear, joy, acceptance, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, expectation), we each experience dozens, even hundreds, of variations each single day. These emotions blend and merge and frequently they conflict.

This EQ fundamental helps us sort out all of those feelings, name them and begin to understand their causes and effects. It also helps us understand how emotions function in our brains and bodies, and the interaction of thought, feeling, and action. Recognize Patterns Human brain follows patterns, or neural pathways. Stimulus leads to response, and over time, the response becomes nearly automatic.

On a behavioral level, the neural patterns lead to behavior patterns. At a young age, we learn lessons of how to cope, how to get our needs met, how to protect ourselves. These strategies reinforce one another, and we develop a complex structure of beliefs to support the validity of the behaviors. As we become more conscious of the patterns we exhibit, it becomes possible to analyze the beliefs and replace them if appropriate, and interrupt the pattern and replace it with conscious behaviour that moves us closer to our real goals. This is an enormously difficult task that requires commitment and vigilance — but it is not difficult to begin

Capitalizing on Emotional Intelligence


Every single day we are faced with some challenge and often several. The life of today’s man has become quite hectic. From smaller troubles like heavy workload, long working hours, family issues, increasing inflation ratio, long power cut offs and bad weather to greater issues of injustice, insurgency, insecurity and political instability – all have put people into great depression, a state of helplessness where they behave in a very nasty way to their fellow beings. This state of restlessness not only disturbs interpersonal relationships but the whole mechanism of a society in larger perspective. We, Pakistanis have become a victim of this distressing state which is affecting us individually and socially thus appearing symptomatically through obsessions, addictions, violence and loss of meaning. Apparently, no visible solution seems to be fitting to this malady of the twentieth century, but only one and that is introducing us to the emotional intelligence.

By developing our Emotional Intelligence we can become more productive and successful at what we do, and help others to be more productive and successful too. The process and outcomes of Emotional Intelligence development also contain many elements known to reduce stress for individuals and organizations, by decreasing conflict, improving relationships and understanding, and increasing stability, continuity and harmony.

What I came to conclusion is that there are eight key fundamentals of emotional intelligence. I will be discussing them one by one

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